“Tis the season to be jolly” does not always ring true for everyone. With the holiday season upon us, for many caregivers there is added stress.
Expectations of a perfect holiday can contribute to depression for those who don’t feel their holiday is measuring up to what they have experienced in years past. Many people suffer from holiday blues even without the stress of caregiving. The expectation that everyone else is having a perfect holiday while you are not can even bring on depression.
During this season, caregivers need to be especially vigilant in recognizing their own, perhaps unrealistic, expectations for a perfect holiday, as well as the possibly excessive expectations of others.
Tradition can also play a role in holiday stress. Many family traditions date back years and generations. Sometimes, it can seem as though not following through on every traditional holiday food, activity and decoration could disappoint family members. Some caregivers are responsible for elders and children at the same time. This is very common these days — these caregivers had been designated the “sandwich generation.’’ There will be the children who want each holiday done like the one before because they are used to the routine. Then there are elders who say, “this is the way we’ve always done it.” The caregiver in the middle can feel overwhelmed.
I’d like to offer some ideas to help caregivers enjoy the holidays. If you have always loved the holidays, but now find them overwhelming because of too many demands on your time, you will need to learn to simplify the season. You may disappoint a few people but this is a good choice if you want to remain somewhat sane. Learn to detach from the negative feedback you may get from others because of changes you are making.
Detaching simply means that you recognize the other person’s feelings, but you will not allow yourself to react or be controlled by their feelings without considering your own needs, as well. You set boundaries by telling others what you can and can’t do. Try using music as a soothing tool for anyone. If you care for an elder, they may enjoy some of the old songs, even some of the older, traditional Christmas songs. Classical music can be very therapeutic and old rock and roll or county songs may give you a boost.
Always remember that you cannot and should not feel that you have to be in charge of everything. Ask for help. It’s amazing how many of us think we have to do everything ourselves, even though others would help if we only asked them.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by taking care of others and you have neglected your own physical, mental or emotional well-being, take some time out for yourself. Consider respite care. We are very fortunate in our community to have various choices of respite care.
Don’t rule out seeking the support of family, friends and people who can relate to your situation. One of my favorite quotes is, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Take care of yourself so you can take care of those you love.
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December 07, 2021
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Combat a not-so-holly-jolly holiday season with respite care - The Sheridan Press
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