Caring requires consistency. Love, genuine and effective, is not a sometimes thing; it is like the sun which shines still, even through the clouds that may sweep across our relational landscape. We learn more about others by their track records than by any single event. We define ourselves to others over time; we discern the tree by its fruits. And coming to maturity takes time.
Consistency makes for predictability. Predictability establishes reliability. Reliability undergirds believability. Believability instills and perpetuates trust. And without trust, love can neither grow nor flourish. Inconsistency in love can become a form of torment, if not torture.
Inconsistent love is love which is not quite in place, not firmed up, not to be trusted. Persons inconsistent in love tend not to want to take responsibility for their behavior. They would rather blame others for their changeability. When confronted with their inconsistencies, they might say something like: "You are always criticizing me for what I don't do for you; how about praising me for the good things I do?" Or, "I cannot satisfy you; no matter what I do, it's not enough for you."
Inconsistent persons tend to be moody and difficult to read. They are up, they are down; they are smiling, they are frowning. We are not sure which is coming when or the length of time an emotional weather front might last. Inconsistency in love can generate emotional torment, compounded by the moody person's typical lack of self-awareness regarding how they are affecting others. Moodiness and blindness often seem to join ranks.
Love is not a mood. Indeed, love has little to do with moods. Moods are the emotional themes of the moment. They may be reoccurring life motifs of a positive or negative nature, themes such as hope and anticipation, or loneliness and unresolved grief. Moods may also be short-lived feelings like joy, exhilaration, lust, fear, anger or dejection.
Underground rivers of emotions flow through us all, all the time. We need to firm up our banks to withstand their coursing through us; we need to listen but not yield to their inclinations. Regardless, they will continue to flow through us. To change our mood, we must change what and how we are perceiving. The course of our emotions is determined by our perceptions of the world around and within us. They are reactions to what we see, which give meaning and significance to our view of the world.
Love affects but is not a mood. We do not have to give into our moods; we do not have to act out our emotions. We must work at being consistent in our words and deeds, whether we happen to "feel it" at the moment or not. This is surely true in the workplace: people who let their moods and feelings hang out will not last on that job. We should not treat our loved ones with less consistency and respect than our coworkers.
Love generates emotions, love produces thoughts, and love prompts deeds. But love is greater than all of these combined. Love requires daily commitment and consistent labor. Yet love cannot be equated with either commitment or labor. Love is a relationship; love is the spirit we share with another, and share with families or spiritual communities; love is what unites us to others. Love is to the unseen world between us as gravity is to the visible world around us.
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August 02, 2020 at 07:00PM
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Caring Requires Consistency - Patch.com
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